What they don't know.

[Imagine]

They have arrived,
a force from a distance.
They bring weapons,
a mindset of conquer.
What they don't know,
is that we are waiting.
What they don't know,
is we defend with anger.
They have made camp,
they are ready.
They are in lines,
they begin to move.
What they don't know,
is that we are hiding.
What they don't know,
is we are behind them.
They are alive,
they are breathing.
What they don't know,
is we made our move.
They are dead,
we are alive.

Well, this the second poem in my poetic career : ). This poem is about two forces fighting, it goes back in forth from 'they' (the bad guys), and 'what they don't know' (actions of the good guys). What do you guys think, is it ok?

[canadaboy]

its ok i guess
could be better (rhyming maybe or something)

[Imagine]

I wanted to try a poem without rhyming and see what I could do.

[Ink®]

I don't really like it very much, sorry. You should maybe seprate it out into stanza and work on making it flow better and having a clearer distinction between the two forces or whatever.

[Imagine]

Is a stanza a line?

[Ink®]

It's a group of lines.

Like when poems have a space between every four or so lines each of those groups of lines are the stanzas.

[Imagine]

Ok. I get it now : ).

[nutz4twilight]

Okay, I just joined because I happened to be visiting and clicked on the last post which was in here. I read the poem and I actually liked it. It is the tempo of the words that I like in the poem. Yes separating the lines or stanzas might help, yet I read it fine, because of the punctuation.

Nice poem...

[Imagine]

Why thank you very much : )

[Colour or Lour™]

Awesome!