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Post by Zorsin on Sept 4, 2008 19:15:09 GMT -7
Based on a true story Sick of life I have nothing to gain. There is no point to live Nobody knows Nobody cares That I slice my skin So many times. So find those pills Find that water I take so many More then ever I swallow them down Waiting for death to find me Death? Where are you? Come to me! Take me with you! Don't leave me here. Where are you? All I feel is pain. Muscles ache and throb in pain My vision so blurry I can't write my suicide note Head so heavy, I lay down My head spins so hard, i can't see My throat aches It's like swallowing pins and needles My stomach is upset It hates these pills. Death? Where are you? Come to me! Take me with you! Don't leave me here. Where are you? Hours pass Weaker and weaker I get No sign of Death rapping at my chamber door 1I can't hold it in I run stumble to the bathroom There I sit, throwing up those pills Death? Why didn't you come? You can't leave me here! Where are you when you are needed? Death, you should of came. 1 Death rapping at my chamber door - Reference of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven": While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
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Post by Ink® on Sept 4, 2008 19:18:41 GMT -7
Wow, that's really good and sad. You might want to change the first stanza because it makes it seem like there's going to be a rhyme scheme even though there's not. Other than that it's really great though.
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Post by Zorsin on Sept 4, 2008 19:21:28 GMT -7
Thanks. And yeah, i was just about to change that. I think that this is one of my favorites.
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Post by Ink® on Sept 4, 2008 19:23:34 GMT -7
It would also flow better if you made the lines similar numbers of syllables, but you might hav ebeen going for a kind of rough and harsh feeling, which is plausible.
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Post by Zorsin on Sept 4, 2008 19:24:50 GMT -7
Yeah, it would flow better. But, i was going for the rough harsh feeling. Most, if not all, of mine i go for that. But, This kind of stuff is all i write.
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Post by Ink® on Sept 4, 2008 19:26:11 GMT -7
Yeah, I had kind of supposed. ^^
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Post by Zorsin on Sept 4, 2008 19:27:32 GMT -7
^.^ Yeah. I'm glad its good though. Thank you!
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Post by Colour or Lour™ on Sept 5, 2008 18:01:27 GMT -7
Hours?
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Post by Ink® on Sept 5, 2008 19:42:36 GMT -7
Que?
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Post by Colour or Lour™ on Sept 6, 2008 12:53:25 GMT -7
I mean it went on for hours?
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Post by Zorsin on Sept 6, 2008 15:51:09 GMT -7
Yeah...It did. About 4.
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Post by Colour or Lour™ on Sept 6, 2008 15:54:21 GMT -7
... What did you take? 0.o
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Post by lechin on Sept 6, 2008 19:32:29 GMT -7
Sad....very sad...but It's still good! :3
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Post by Zorsin on Sept 6, 2008 19:40:42 GMT -7
... What did you take? 0.o Anything and everything i could find. Sad....very sad...but It's still good! :3 Thank you.
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Post by Colour or Lour™ on Sept 7, 2008 18:07:00 GMT -7
wow.
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